Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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