I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
