The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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