I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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