I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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