You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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