i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
