Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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