i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
