I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
