How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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