I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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