She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
