It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
