dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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