You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
