alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
