my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
