Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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