Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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