I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
