M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
