For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
