Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
