its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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