Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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