Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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