I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
