Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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