Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
