My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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