i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
