no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
