it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
