Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
