party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
