How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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