why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
