I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
