Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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