I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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