I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
