No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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