11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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