I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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