I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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