gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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