I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
