Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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