she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
