Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
