if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
