I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
