I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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