I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
