Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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