and she was petting her beer can
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
