yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize