his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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