i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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