we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
