She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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