Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
