Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize