I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
