I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
