Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
