Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He shit in the fireplace
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
