he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
