They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
