Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
